I know... I haven't posted anything in months. I suck as a blogger. Thank heavens I have a day job. The problem is I still don't feel like I can share the things I want to say. I've started posts in my head every couple of weeks only to abandon them as being too much information. I've even considered starting another blog, not linked to me in any way, with names changed to protect the innocent (and guilty I suppose) just so I would have a place to organize and vent my thoughts.
I mentioned months ago that I wasn't comfortable sharing what was going on in my life. Unfortunately, all that crap is still going on. My last trip to court was in September and the divorce STILL isn't final. Actually, I guess it doesn't matter if the paperwork is done or not since that wasn't really my reason for not sharing. I don't feel comfortable saying anything here that I wouldn't say in front of my kids. My closest friends and family know the details of my life, all the crap that has gone on over the last 8 or so years, and the final straws that led me to file for divorce but the kids have been sheltered from the truth.
That's not to say I've lied to my children. I have never told them anything that wasn't true. I've just left out some of the uglier bits. They are too young to absorb and analyze the facts of the situation. My daughter has accepted the fact that we're divorcing but she recently let me know that she was mad that no one had told her why we split. I gave her an 8-year-old-appropriate version of some, but not all, of the reasons. She absorbed it and seems to have moved on but my son still doesn't get it. Its almost a year and a half since we separated and he still asks me why Daddy doesn't live at home anymore and when Daddy is moving back. I give him the politically-correct, good co-parent lines about us not being able to make each other happy anymore, how we're both able to be better parents to him if we aren't together, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. We've had that conversation over and over again... and he still doesn't accept it. I can't tell him the truth. He's 5.
